Serena Haines - Honest Conversations About Sexual Wellness (Afternoon Pint - Episode 120)

Serena Haines, certified sexologist and relationship coach, joined The Afternoon Point podcast to share insights from her journey as a sex and intimacy expert. Her transformation from hockey mom to sex educator came from recognizing a gap in how people understand pleasure, particularly for women. What stood out in the conversation was Serena's emphasis on communication as the foundation for intimate relationships.

One of the most eye-opening moments came when Serena demonstrated the actual anatomy of the clitoris, explaining that this erectile organ extends far beyond the visible part. She highlighted that while most people can easily identify male sexual organs, there's still widespread misunderstanding about female anatomy. This knowledge gap contributes to the fact that only 18% of women experience orgasm through penetration alone, with most requiring clitoral stimulation. Breaking down these anatomical misconceptions is critical for pleasure-centered relationships.

The discussion addressed how pornography and media create unrealistic expectations about sex. Many men approach Serena seeking help because they've developed erectile dysfunction from "rip and grip" masturbation while watching increasingly extreme pornography. This desensitization makes it difficult to connect during intimate moments with partners. Serena recommends practicing "like you play" – slowing down, being mindful, and training your body to respond to gentler, more realistic stimulation rather than the overstimulation that pornography provides.

For couples in long-term relationships facing intimacy challenges, Serena offers practical advice using what she calls "tone, turf, and timing." Choosing the right moment and environment for intimate conversations is crucial, as is focusing on positive memories rather than complaints. She suggests activities like the "yes-no-maybe game" where partners separately indicate their interest in various activities, then discuss their responses together. This often reveals shared desires neither partner knew the other had, creating new opportunities for connection.

Serena challenges traditional definitions of sex, suggesting that anything involving erotic pleasure counts as sex – from kissing to massage to mutual masturbation. When couples expand their definition beyond penetration with orgasm as the goal, they often discover more opportunities for connection. She notes that everything between erotic encounters becomes foreplay – how you treat each other daily builds the foundation for sexual desire, particularly for women.

The conversation highlighted how proper sex education empowers children by giving them the vocabulary to identify inappropriate behavior and builds body confidence. Using proper anatomical terms rather than euphemisms like "cookie" or "flower" helps children develop healthy attitudes toward their bodies and reduces shame. This foundation of knowledge becomes protective against potential abuse and builds the groundwork for healthy relationships later in life.

We thanks Serena Haines for being an informative and entertaining guest! Visit https://www.serenahaines.com/ to learn more about her practice.